She peeped from the balcony as he left the house in haste. She did not come to see him off as he left to office. She hasn't been doing so of late. Actually there are many things she has stopped doing for him ever since she last conceived. He had absolutely no idea about the damage he had done to her and their relationship or to what extent her depression and frustration are when compared to her earlier times. She is totally convinced that she should have married someone else.
Isn't there anything called 'basic courtesy' post-marriage? She should have thought thrice before she agreed to marry him. She should've said this over a million times to herself by now.The fact that she has had this long awaited baby does not really make the difference. The man she fell in love with is totally lost. There was no more 'wanting to have a glimpse of him' or ' desire to feel his touch' or a simple 'spend time around him' for her anymore, forget a simple thing like a hug or a kiss or plain holding hands.
Infact she felt that she had more peace of mind when he is not around. He has gotten into a habit of shouting for every little thing. She was sick of being blamed everytime something goes wrong. A simple thing like a forgotten bit of paper when not found, can trigger of a shouting match.
It is not really a 'match' with her on the other side, because she never defended herself outwardly. What she had to say is an internal monologue like the thoughts running now in print. This match which she said is a match stick, which has two ends. The one wooden, safe end which he holds and the other end with the combustible chemical which is ignited is given to her. It is a what she calls an unfair game, where the advantage is on his side.His advantage, a loud mouth!
There were times when that bit of paper which he was so desperately looking for, appears from his briefcase, car or the wallet. But before that a hundred and one things would've been said about the house not being in order, the bed-sheets not changed, spending too much money, the maid's service not being utilized properly, the baby's toys all over the place and so on. All these go 'scot free' without an apology or maybe a sheepish grin. By now, all the sacrifices she has made, her career, her lifestyle, the body-disfiguration due to pregnancy, everything feel absolutely useless and diminished.
This is the worst side of of any person's life. If you work so hard at workplace, and you are left without appreciation, it really hurts. Over and above if the guy next to you is given the raise you were expecting, then it adds salt on the wound. If you are criticized on top of it, it really damages the spirit. This is exactly what she was going through, without the option of a job change!
